Rendez Vous
by Archaeologist
Summary: Arthur is an idiot. But Merlin isn't exactly thinking straight when they have a fight about language. Rated T for language.


**Pairing/s:** Merlin/Arthur (established relationship)  
 **Warnings:** almost all dialogue; R for language  
 **Author's Notes:** Am trying to experiment with dialogue only stories. Sorry about that. Also apologies to French speakers everywhere.  
 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the BBC version of Merlin; It and Shine do. I am very respectfully borrowing them with no intent to profit. No money has changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

"Rendezvous is a stupid word. What does it mean anyway?"

"When two people love each other very much…."

"That is not what it means, you dolt. And for your information, I do speak French… and don't look at me like that. I'm not the idiot here, Merlin."

"Could have fooled me."

"Har, bloody, har. Besides, I don't see why we have to give it some pouncy name for what is purely a fuck date. Rendezvous my arse."

"Arthur, always the way with words, I see."

"What else would you call it? A romantic interlude?"

"How about meat and greet? Doing the nasty? Getting your rocks off? Or maybe the old shove it in, jiggle it around until it's done and then a quick escape from any form of intimacy?"

"Whoa… wait, are you upset?"

"What gave you the clue, Arthur? My accurate description of how we fuck or was it because I actually said something for a change instead of just taking it?"

"But you know… shit, I hate talking about… feelings but you are…."

"What, Arthur? A fuck buddy? Someone you can call who would drop everything and come running every time you need to get some? An idiot who couldn't read the signs and thought it might be something more? So yeah, you aren't the only one who finally got a clue."

"We aren't talking about rendezvous any more, are we?"

"Got it in one."

"But I didn't… I don't... shit, Merlin, don't leave."

"Why not? I think we've said everything we need to say, Arthur. But don't worry. I'm sure you waggle that prick of yours around and someone will come running. It just won't be me. Now let me go."

"Merlin, you can't… listen to me, you've made a mistake."

"Yeah, a long time ago, falling for an arse who could never love me back. But at least now I know where I stand."

"Just because I never said anything doesn't mean… it's hard. Besides, you didn't and I wasn't…. You didn't _say_ anything. I thought…."

"Yeah, I never told you because I was afraid of what you'd say. Pathetic, right? Now, get your hands off me or so help me, I'll knee your bollocks up so hard you won't be able to walk for a week. Or ever."

"Merlin, just listen a moment. Just hear me out. Please."

"You have one minute."

"You know how it is with my family. Emotion is weakness and I… I learned from the best. But I can't… it's bloody hard to even… I love you. I… I loved you the moment you tripped over your own feet that first day and landed in a puddle. The water dripping off your nose, that wretched t-shirt of yours ripped and mud-soaked. And your look of sheer embarrassment. Did you know your ears turn red when you get flustered and you run your hands through your hair so much that you look like some crazed maniac? I wanted to grab you then and rub you dry and see how loudly you would moan out my name when I got you into bed. And that streak of profanities out of your mouth just made it harder. Made me harder. For you."

"You laughed in my face and then walked away, muttering something about idiots and pathetic nobodies. And then proceeded to mock me every chance you could."

"Yes, and then we ended up fucking every chance we could after that."

"Great. So it was a pity fuck then? Good to know."

"You aren't listening. I can't just… _say_ it. But it wasn't pity. Not even close to that. I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea but I… please don't leave me, Merlin. I… damn it, Merlin, I love you. Not just a passing thing, either. For keeps."

"What? You… what are you saying?"

"I'd planned on asking you to marry me next week. On the anniversary of the day you and the puddle became acquainted. Because that was the day the best thing I'd ever had came into my life."

"Arthur, I… had no idea."

"Yeah, I got a clue when you started freaking out about _rendezvous_. Sometimes you are very hard to understand, you know."

"I thought you were dumping me. You'd been so distant lately and I thought… I was worried that you were getting ready to walk away and I didn't know how I'd live after that so…."

"So you went on and on about that stupid word instead. You really are an idiot."

"We're a pair at the very least."

"On that, I will agree with you. So about the thing…?"

"Yes to the thing, yes to dates and trysts and assignations, yes to for keeps. Yes to bed. Where you can fuck me into the mattress and then I'll do you so hard you won't be able to move."

"You do seem to like me not moving."

"Oh, I like you moving, waggling things about and making me moan. Just… not moving away. From me. Ever."

"That's a promise. And one more thing."

"Yes?"

"No more French words."

"Oui, ma puce. No more mon petit chou, mon prince. "

"Oh, shut it, Merlin."

"Rendez _vous_!"

And that was the last word either of them said for a very long time.

The end.

Ma puce = my flea (female version)  
Mon petit chou = my little cabbage  
Mon prince = my prince


End file.
